Ask me why, why I dance
Dance to make all the pain go
Go away, get away,
"Get the fuck away!!"
Away, away from all this shit in the real world
Outside the doors of this darkened club,
Outside in the red light along these dirty streets
Where I walk, walk away from your eyes as they cut
Cut into my soul
Lost soul,
I work and make my life amongst a dozen or so women
Like me who
Somewhere along the line lost their souls.
They came across this oasis, this fantasy land,
Land where you couldn't, didn't want to,
never even thought in your wildest dreams you would land,
(In this fantasy land, I take total control,
I take back more than the night as I walk,
walk past their lusting eyes, I walk by
showing half of my ass and they are quiet,
like good little boys, they speak to me only when spoken to,
and when I approach their shy nervous eyes
I know that this is a fantasy land,
A land where I am able to experience the power of men,
the power of men hanging out of a pick up truck
yelling, cat calling, whistling as I pretend to ignore, never look them in the..

(Power of men) I experience.
The Power of men, men in suits at board meetings,
the power that your father,
your brother, even your best gay boyfriend have,
No, no, I have no shame about my love for this fantasy land.
Land yourself a new life,
a happy husband,
a good education, a steady job,
a 9-5 desktop gig paying (ooh!) $8.75 an hour!
Land where the waters of the sea wash over my body,
my beautiful sexy body,
my body full of scars only visible with the house lights on,
my body that I willing share with old men, young men,
fat girls, gorgeous sexy girls, biker chics,
exploring daring nasty crazy couples
My body, I share intimately with strangers,
but it is these very strangers that give me strength,
strength to hold on to face the outside world,
the world outside where
I wouldn't dream of walking around in just
a G-string and six inch heels, a world where if you even try to share your body in the same way
you run the high risk that they will most likely take, and if they take they will probably take more than their share
and your share too,




part of a one woman show

performed at LunaSea Theatre

festival of Queer one woman shows,

May 2000.

and sometimes you are left with nothing,
feeling like nothing.
Your face, your body, your soul,
your gender feels so cursed sometimes,
Because they take without mercy
sometimes, they take without permission
Sometimes, they take with violence,
Sometimes, they take so slyly when you're not even looking
Sometimes they take and they take
even though you might have shared if they only had the decency to ask
ask nicely, ask me,
ask me why I dance, dance to make all the pain go away,
Go away from all my painful memories of how I have been hurt
By people who have taken advantage
And each night I work I am revitalized because I relive, I re-enact,
I reconstruct and I heal.
I create subconsciously and consciously like scenes in some
long running theater show: male customers unknowingly play the roles
of every man who has ever taken from me.

So each night, I take back indirectly all the power and control
that the ugly outside world robs me of sometimes.
I take back, but I do it nicely because he asks me nicely,
and I smile and he smiles too and I get as much out of all of this as he does.
On stage I dance and I light up with the beats of the music inside of me
And the faces along the stage are moved by the way I move but

they do not know the story behind the stage name, they can never know,
No one can know really, really if you asked me why I dance
I could go and on about it just like this but the feeling inside is so personal,
Just like the struggle is personal, totally sacred and personal,
even though my body and my words are public and shared.
Dancing is my job. It is my therapy, my healing, my trap, my addiction, my passion,
My inspiration.
When I am on stage I come alive, I live out my fantasies and I fulfill someone else's fantasies and I am adored,
And appreciated, and compensated.
And I believe in the possibility and the power
of being a beautiful sexy strong woman again,
As I dance.